false alarm. still invincible.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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