i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
