if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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