whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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