oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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