im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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