Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
