It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
