New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
