i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
