ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
