this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize