Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
