I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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