why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
