I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
