She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
