My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
