I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
