is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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