i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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