We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
