New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
