this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
