Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My first STD was from a foam party
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he puts the penis in happiness.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
