i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
