that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
