Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bring me that man meat
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
