Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
