the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
did i just pee glitter
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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