Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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