good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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