they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
