I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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