She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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