Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
