so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
