He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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