Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
