did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
