Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
