i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
