My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
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I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
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Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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