On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
