i think my mom watched the whole time
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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