I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
