false alarm. still invincible.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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