I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
