peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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