I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
