haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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