Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
