I love black thongs
I didn't shave. On purpose
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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