I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
