I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
