my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
