Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
