then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just invented taco cereal.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
