I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she peed on how many people?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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