Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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