i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
