So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
